Ever since I was a little girl, I've always been a leader. I've never been one to shy away from the cameras, not raise my hand in class to answer a question, or not give presentations or at church to participate in a game or activity. I've always known that I had leadership qualities, but I never knew how to fully take hold of them and become the leader I was truly called to be. In different parts of my journey, I struggled with the thought that I was not good enough to lead and thought it was better to follow instead. I eventually figured out that I was born to lead others with compassion, grace, and a steady hand. CGTI definitely helped me get to where I am today. Here is the story of how I got there.
During elementary school when I lived in Texas, I never had any problem acting like I was a leader. But I would always end up bumping heads with other students because we wanted to do different things, and I always wanted to be in control. When I came to Illinois in 5th grade, I definitely shied away from being a leader because I was bullied, which lowered my self esteem and definitely brought up some insecurities.
After that year, I transferred schools and did find it easier to be more like myself at school, though during 5th through middle school never had any issues leading at church within the kids ministry. At my new school during my 6th and majority of my 7th grade year, even though I was the new student, I was able to work well in group settings and make sure everyone was on task. When COVID-19 hit, I definitely missed the lack of community and working with people in person during that time period, which I would say affected my leadership skills because they were dormant for this time.
In 8th grade, we were allowed, since I was at a smaller private school, to return to school using a hybrid model. It was definitely a bit awkward for me seeing people in person again and having to work with people and problem solve. But after a few months, I had finally found my groove, except this time, I was allowing harmful outside voices to influence my leadership decisions. At that time, though it is not something I'm proud of and not something I recommend doing, I did lead a small “revolt” against our gym teacher by telling everyone to not go to his classes on Wednesdays. It lasted a couple months and the majority of the class did it, which shows that yes I did have leadership qualities at this time but used them wrongly.
Before I entered high school my parents told me to take the “bull by the horns” - in other words, to make the most of my four years. The first thing I did besides sitting in front of the class and communicating with teachers was to make an appointment with my counselor just to meet her and see who I would be working with for the next four years. She was the one who told me about Operation Snowball! It seemed like a fun way to get involved and use my leadership skills for a good cause so I joined.
Before the end of the summer she told us about CGTI, a summer conference to enhance our leadership skills. I was all in! I came in not at all knowing what to expect and definitely had a major shock when I first got there but easily adjusted to the CGTI songs and games. I most certainly did not want to leave. But I knew I wanted to come back next year as a PALS.
So, that next year, I came back and had the absolute best time and really began to understand what It meant to be a leader and to not only take care of others’ mental heath, but to also take care of my mental health, which I had definitely neglected that year. I was able to understand why people had always seen me as a leader and finally understood that I was good enough to be a leader. I felt more confident in my goals and dreams for the future and knew that CGTI and Snowball were going to help me for my future endeavors. So, this year I submitted my application for the Teen Ambassadors and got interviewed and got in. I knew that this was where I was meant to be and that I could be a good leader and help my community in the process. It isn't easy, and I've definitely had some bumps in the road. But through all of these experiences, especially going through CGTI as a participant, PALS, and hopefully this summer as Youth Staff, I can continue to use my leadership skills to create positive change in my community and in the world.
The first time going into CGTI, I had no idea what to expect.
The first few days while being at the conference, I had wanted to go home. As the days went on, I learned to let myself grow and expand my boundaries to let me be the person I want to be. The workshops we had, the friends I made during the week, and the memories I had created with many other people, had me ready to come back for next time.
After leaving CGTI, there was a feeling of going home but also going away from home.
After being left alone to reminisce over my CGTI experience, it led me to be more open with myself and let me be free. I truly believe that this conference is the reason why I now am who I am. I was asked the question, “What is your why?” I went home that night and started to think, “Do I have a why? How do I know if I even have a why for what I do?”
I found that my why is to make the people around me laugh and smile and spread positivity to others who may or may not need it.
CGTI has opened me up in many ways I didn’t think would be possible - it’s now made me be more comfortable with myself and to do things because I want to do them and not to join in because others are doing it. I’ve learned how to be comfortable in my own skin and how to express that within my bubble of people that I know.
Have you ever woken up and you can feel your anxiety level rise as you think of everything you need to complete by the end of the day? Being anxious and having a high level of anxiety isn’t an abnormal thing. If you are constantly going all of the time you need to know when to allow your body a break. Being able to read signals your body is sending you plays a crucial part in your well-being.
Finding healthy and stress-free coping mechanisms can help you when your anxiety level is high or when you just need a break. I’ve come to learn that finding things that I enjoy or just making a to-do list can help reduce my anxiety levels. The same coping mechanism doesn’t work for everyone, and sometimes it takes a while until you find your preferred method.
Finding a healthy coping mechanism will not only help give your body a break it can also help lower stress, anxiety, worry, and even panic attacks. If you are looking for healthy coping mechanisms I have some listed below.
Write a to-do list
Complete a workout
Connect with supportive people
Practice meditation or yoga
Practice breathing techniques
See a counselor, therapist, or coach
Make sure to get enough sleep
Go for a walk
Sources: https://www.sutterhealth.org/health/mind-body/10-simple-ways-to-cope-with-stress
Balancing all aspects of your life is very important. However, it is a challenging task. Balance is something that I am still trying to grasp today. Being a busy teenager involved in numerous activities inside and outside of school requires much of my time. Due to my busy schedule, areas of my social, physical, mental, and spiritual life can sometimes be negatively affected. It can be hard to attend all of your after-school clubs while wanting to hang out with your friends or go to the gym for the day.
That said, I believe it is important to allow ourselves to rest and take a break. Sometimes taking a reset is what we need to be able to have a healthy and effective start to our day. When I feel that I am not properly balancing my life, I take a step back and analyze what I can say no to. Once I’ve removed a stressor, I then try to better organize myself and my day so that all areas of my life benefit from whatever I am doing!
You know that quote, “Your comfort zone will kill you?” Do you also know the saying, “There is no such thing as perfect?” These ideas had me struggling for a long time. I wasn’t sure what to do or where to go because of the fear of messing up and not being considered “perfect.” My comfort zone is not what most would consider though. I think of mine as putting so much effort in, that I feel safe about it being enough. I felt uncomfortable to slow down and listen to what my mind and body were telling me, I didn’t want to go unnoticed and I wanted to push myself to be the best I could be while also staying on top. I never gave myself a break and struggled to find balance in my life with school, sports, and other activities I was a part of. I now realize that’s not how anyone thrives, and I’m learning the new idea of “perfectly imperfect.”
I’ve been what they call a “perfectionist” all of my life. I’ve always been a hard worker and wanted good results, which when I was younger, I usually achieved. It took me some time to learn as I’ve gotten older that just because you put tons of effort into something, doesn’t mean it’s always going to result in your favor, and that’s okay. Previously, I would have thought of this as a failure and been scared to reach out of my comfort zone because I didn’t want to look “weak” or “imperfect” when attempting something I had never even tried before … I know … sounds dumb now that I’m older. Of course, people are born with natural strengths and abilities, but no one is going to try something new and be “perfect” at it the first time around. No one ever achieves this unattainable idea of “perfection.” We are all students of life and learning is a huge part of that.
A lot of my inner conflict came from my wanting to find a purpose. I wasn’t sure for the majority of high school how I was an important part of my community, and if I even mattered. I felt if I could work hard to be better at things than others, I would be noticed and feel like I was making something of myself. This only led me to burn out and some scary mental health scares that lead me to a different way of approaching things.
I started involving myself a lot with our students in my high school with special needs. I had always been passionate about helping others achieve their goals and feeling good about themselves, but in the past couple of years I have found a true love for it. I’m in what we call our MC classroom during my gym. It stands for “multiple capabilities” classroom and is designed to help students with varying disabilities. I work with them in communicating with devices and signs, learning their personalities, and helping them feel part of our student body. That is adapting games so they can play from their wheelchairs and treating them just like any other teenager. They are all high school kids with high school brains. They just have different ways of expressing themselves and communicating. They have taught me to slow down and ENJOY the little things. I was moving so quickly before, I would miss special moments. They celebrate everything, big and small, for everyone around them. I saw that we can all use some of that too regardless of our situation.
These past couple of months have been the best months of my life. I have learned to fail and know that those failures don’t make me any less of a person. I’m involved with the people I love being with and take pride in my efforts in school and sports. I have spent more time with my family and have been able to connect with them more. I have discovered so much of myself that I never knew because I was so exhausted working to achieve “perfection.” I’m going to college to work in the medical field specializing in taking care of kids with special needs. So much of my life has been unfolded by simply letting go of my unreachable standards that I would always keep raising. So, if you get two things from reading through my story, know that the idea of “perfection” and your comfort zone are just distractions from you living the life you want to live.
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CGTI is a program of IABH and is funded in whole or in part by the Illinois Department of Human Services, Division of Substance Use Prevention and Recovery through a grant from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. | ||||
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