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You know that quote, “Your comfort zone will kill you?” Do you also know the saying, “There is no such thing as perfect?” These ideas had me struggling for a long time. I wasn’t sure what to do or where to go because of the fear of messing up and not being considered “perfect.” My comfort zone is not what most would consider though. I think of mine as putting so much effort in, that I feel safe about it being enough. I felt uncomfortable to slow down and listen to what my mind and body were telling me, I didn’t want to go unnoticed and I wanted to push myself to be the best I could be while also staying on top. I never gave myself a break and struggled to find balance in my life with school, sports, and other activities I was a part of. I now realize that’s not how anyone thrives, and I’m learning the new idea of “perfectly imperfect.”

I’ve been what they call a “perfectionist” all of my life. I’ve always been a hard worker and wanted good results, which when I was younger, I usually achieved. It took me some time to learn as I’ve gotten older that just because you put tons of effort into something, doesn’t mean it’s always going to result in your favor, and that’s okay. Previously, I would have thought of this as a failure and been scared to reach out of my comfort zone because I didn’t want to look “weak” or “imperfect” when attempting something I had never even tried before … I know … sounds dumb now that I’m older. Of course, people are born with natural strengths and abilities, but no one is going to try something new and be “perfect” at it the first time around. No one ever achieves this unattainable idea of “perfection.” We are all students of life and learning is a huge part of that.

A lot of my inner conflict came from my wanting to find a purpose. I wasn’t sure for the majority of high school how I was an important part of my community, and if I even mattered. I felt if I could work hard to be better at things than others, I would be noticed and feel like I was making something of myself. This only led me to burn out and some scary mental health scares that lead me to a different way of approaching things.

I started involving myself a lot with our students in my high school with special needs. I had always been passionate about helping others achieve their goals and feeling good about themselves, but in the past couple of years I have found a true love for it. I’m in what we call our MC classroom during my gym. It stands for “multiple capabilities” classroom and is designed to help students with varying disabilities. I work with them in communicating with devices and signs, learning their personalities, and helping them feel part of our student body. That is adapting games so they can play from their wheelchairs and treating them just like any other teenager. They are all high school kids with high school brains. They just have different ways of expressing themselves and communicating. They have taught me to slow down and ENJOY the little things. I was moving so quickly before, I would miss special moments. They celebrate everything, big and small, for everyone around them. I saw that we can all use some of that too regardless of our situation.

These past couple of months have been the best months of my life. I have learned to fail and know that those failures don’t make me any less of a person. I’m involved with the people I love being with and take pride in my efforts in school and sports. I have spent more time with my family and have been able to connect with them more. I have discovered so much of myself that I never knew because I was so exhausted working to achieve “perfection.” I’m going to college to work in the medical field specializing in taking care of kids with special needs. So much of my life has been unfolded by simply letting go of my unreachable standards that I would always keep raising. So, if you get two things from reading through my story, know that the idea of “perfection” and your comfort zone are just distractions from you living the life you want to live.